This is what a dear friend of mine told me one Saturday morning while catching up over lattes at Starbucks.
I consider myself an insightful soul and welcome feedback, truly I do, if it’s presented in a loving and kind matter; which this was.
She told me that I have a history of ending relationships as soon as I see something that I don’t like.
I remember staring at her with a perplexed look on my face.
You see, my friend is extremely insightful and honest. I knew that her insight was accurate. It just didn’t register in my mind. She responded to my perplexed look with “you have to know that you’re a runner. When you hit a small bump in the road, you run. You end the relationship. ”
I really had to digest that.
I knew she was right. I did end things quickly, especially with men. I had been lying to myself believing that my reasons were valid. And trust me, some of them were.
But truth be told most were silly infractions whose main goal was to prevent me from going deeper with someone. It prevented me from having to be vulnerable and risk the possible getting hurt. I hear Oprah in my head saying “when you know better, you do better. ”
So I stuck it out. Through the disagreements, the disappointments and the arguments. I was astonished to discover that through it all, we actually came out on the other side a stronger couple. We understood each other better, appreciated each other more and became more committed to our relationship.
I’m proud to say I’m still with that man, 3 years later. The good definitely outweigh the bad and I would have missed so much, if I had bailed at the first bump.