A healthy mother/daughter relationship leaves the daughter with a sense of worth. Each comes away knowing that they are loved just the way they are and that they are deserving of the best that life has to offer.
Women who have had a healthy relationship with their mother are blessed. Most of us however, have a bit of work to do. There is a need to mend, heal or repair our sense of worth. We need to believe that at our core we deserve good things. We need to really understand that we have a right to love, kindness and compassion.
I know I’m not alone when I share my story. I felt alone growing up and felt that I was the only one with a mother that seemed to care more about herself than her own daughter. My mother was too absorbed in her own story to help me build a strong foundation for a healthy future.
So I ended up settling because I felt flawed. I did not know what that flaw was, but I knew it was there. I went to great lengths to protect myself. I would make up some crazy reason why I would not give a great guy a second date. The truth is I feared that once a man really saw me for who I was, he would leave me.
Therefore I dated men that I knew I would never marry so I would not have much to lose when the relationship ended. I put up with a lot of crap, even some emotional abuse. My girlfriends could not understand why I could not meet a nice, decent man. I knew I was to blame but I never told a soul.
I was able to forgive my mother and by doing so, allowed my life to flourish. I stopped having relationships with men that didn’t respect me because I now knew that I deserved respect. I began forgiving friends for minor infractions when I used to cut them off permanently.
My perspective of my mother changed. I understood that she did the best that she could and that she did in fact love me. She just had her own issues that prevented her from giving me all that I needed. I know now that it was never her intent to neglect me.
I now believe that we are ALL INHERENTLY WORTHY, independent of what we do, think or say. It is our BIRTHRIGHT. What I have gone though has given me a tremendous amount of empathy and compassion for others. I wouldn’t change a thing. There is a lesson to be learned from all of our experiences.
Dorie Bisanz, BA, is a Certified Professional Life Coach and an Energy Leadership Master Practitioner, as well as a CORE Dynamics Wellbeing Specialist.
In her spare time Dorie enjoys hiking, trying out new recipes and exploring new places. She loves meeting up with her best friend for a day of shopping and reading spiritual books. Some of her favorite authors are Marianne Williamson, Brene Brown and Eckhart Tolle.
Dorie has a BA in Psychology and volunteered at a 24 hour hotline/walk-in facility while in college. After graduation she worked for several years with people with mental illness. She then went on to become an Ultrasound Technologist. For over 20 years she worked with patients providing kind, supportive and empathetic care to patients during a very vulnerable time in their lives. Dorie received her coach training from iPEC (www.ipec.com ). iPEC (Institute of Professional Excellence in Coach) is an ICF(International Coaching Federation) accredited school that requires 340 hours of course work.
Dorie now works and lives in central Jersey. She is an associate at the Mind Body Wellness Center in Summit New Jersey. She coaches one on one, has group classes and speaks regularly on the importance of forgiveness.